2017-06-06- 2:05 p.m.

"YOU JUST KEEP ME HANGING ON"

I feel like my health at the moment is just like that kids game, where you bop something on the head with a mallet and then another thing pops up and then you bop that an oh...this would be such a great metaphor if only I could describe it better. Instead I am conjuring up images of psychopathic children, I am sure.

Basically one thing goes, I breathe a sigh of relief, and another thing arises. And I commence stressing.

There have been so many times prior to this that I have taken a moment to reflect on my robust and rude good health. (Oh, and my height. I like to loom and tower all in black, and do a silent "I've arrived" with invisible jazz hands. That shit never gets old. Nothing like scaring old ladies on public transport...)

I just saw the doctor today and the basic message was "I'm stumped". I discussed the pain, the sleeplessness, the lack of support from work. One option is to be on a waiting list for a year. Jolly! A year in pain! The other, is to circumvent that wait list by infiltrating the hospital system by an alternative route, only to be potentially (realistically a complete likelihood) told that I have the wrong department (whoopsee!) but will fast-track me into that first department. The wonders of universal healthcare.

The only plus side is that I am not likely to be causing long-term damage by dosing myself up on painkillers so that I can get through my day's work. So, you know, it's the little things right?

I'm pretty freaked out. By the possibilities for starters. The main thing that has been ruled out is a mostly treatable condition. Which leaves so many other things that the doctor has left un-said (but google doctor has answered with full unmitigated disastrous results! Nothing like google doctoring to inspire terror and hysteria!) My gut instinct is that my brain is mis-firing messages, and I don't think the root cause of that will be a reason that I want to face.

And the other thing is about how I will be able to support myself, whatever happens.

Profile - previous